WELCOME TO SUCK IT CONSULTING!!
Are you tired of IT companies that actually fix your problems? Do you miss the thrill of watching your server crash at 4:59 PM on a Friday? Well YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!!
At SUCK IT Consulting, we offer premium IT services at prices that are surprisingly high for the quality you receive. We've been NOT solving business problems since 1999!!
Based above Gary's Dry Cleaning in Paramus, NJ, we serve clients across a 3-mile radius (further if you pay the travel fee). Our team of 1–3 certified professionals* is standing by to maybe answer your call.
*certification status varies. Dwayne is working on it.
⭐ OUR CORE SERVICES ⭐
Break/Fix
We break it first, then charge to fix it.
Networking
We run cables over carpet. Professional.
Security
Password123! is secure. We checked.
The Cloud
Not sure what it is but we offer it.
Fax Support
Still our most-requested service.
Backup Sols.
We test backups approximately never.
Printer Help
"Have you tried rebooting?" — $350/hr
Consulting
Meetings about meetings. Billed twice.
📢 CURRENT STATUS: ALL SYSTEMS DOWN | Queue: 847 tickets | ETA: EOD Thursday (2007)
🌟 WHAT OUR CLIENTS SAY 🌟
★★★★☆ “Dwayne explained what a firewall is for 45 minutes. I still don't know what a firewall is. Invoice pending.”
— Robert H., Mahwah Plumbing
★☆☆☆☆ “My computer worked before Dwayne arrived. Now it works differently.”
— Patricia N., Bergen County
★★★★★ “He called Brenda twice during our appointment. She didn't answer. He invoiced her anyway. Five stars.”
— Tom V., satisfied client
★★★☆☆ “The Zip disk they used for our backup is labeled 'DO NOT USE (BACKUP)'. I am choosing to trust them.”
— Sandra W., Paramus NJ
🎉 REFERRAL PROGRAM 🎉
Refer a friend and get $25 off your next invoice!*
*minimum invoice $500. Offer expires 12/31/2027. (It will not.) Not valid with other offers. Dwayne must approve.